The 10 Commandments and American Exceptionalism

America is God’s favorite country.  If you don’t believe me go to any church in Alabama and ask the preacher.  It’s true.

God loves America so much that he expects us to show other countries how to live proper instead of like a bunch of heathen savages.  That’s why it’s okay for us to kill some people to spread democracy around the world.

The liberal elites call this attitude “American Exceptionalism” and they make it sound like there’s something wrong with rooting for your home team.  Godless liberals – they probably don’t even watch football after church.

Anyway, because we’re Americans and God’s favorite country that means we get lots of exceptions to the rules and by rules I mean the 10 Commandments.  Duh.  My accountant friend calls these loopholes.  And just like we have a God-given right to use loopholes to avoid paying taxes, we also have a God-given right to use our American Exceptionalisms to avoid some of the 10 Commandments, especially when it comes to dealing with our enemies, i.e, liberals and radical Muslims.

If you need to review the 10 Commandments, well, shame on you.  Can’t you even remember the simple instructions God himself carved on stone tablets!  What kind of a Christian are you?  Anyway, if you need a review, here’s a nice website that will be helpful:

Here are the 10 Commandments:

And God spoke all these words, saying: “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

  1. You shall have no other gods before me.
  2. You shall not make for yourself any carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
  3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
  4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your manservant, nor your maidservant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
  5. Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
  6. You shall not murder.
  7. You shall not commit adultery.
  8. You shall not steal.
  9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
  10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”

So, those are the rules of the road.  But, as God-fearing Americans we can take advantage of the following loopholes or the American Exceptionalisms.

1. You shall have no gods before me, EXCEPT Nick Saban and Bear Bryant.

2. You shall not worship false idols, EXCEPT the Confederate Flag.

3. You shall not take the Lord’s name in vain, EXCEPT when Auburn scores against Alabama.

4. Remember the Sabbath, EXCEPT during Football season.

5. Honor your Mother and Father, EXCEPT if they are in a Union, collect a government pension and/or voted for a Democrat after Jimmy Carter was elected.

6. You shall not murder, EXCEPT radical Muslims who appear to be similar to those lunatics who attacked us on 9-11.  And, it’s okay to murder anyone who is convicted of a heinous crime, even if there may be conflicting DNA evidence, EXCEPT if they’re a White Christian.  You see … American Exceptionalisms can work in multiple ways.

7. You shall not commit adultery, EXCEPT if you’re white, married with children and a strong supporter of the Defense of Marriage Act.

8. You shall not steal, EXCEPT when it involves taking away tax dollars from entitlement programs and giving them to the military and wealthy job creators.

9. You shall not bear false witness, EXCEPT if you’re Paul Ryan and embroiled in a Holy Crusade against Godless liberals for control of the government.

10. You shall not covet your neighbors wife, donkey, ox or anything else that’s his property, EXCEPT if he voted for Obama.

There is one exception to the American Exceptionalism.  In the case of Abortion, they should all be outlawed.

No exception for rape. No exception for incest.  No exception if the mother’s life is in danger.